Babysittin'
by Heavenly Deeds
Summary: Orochimaru gets stuck babysitting 3 weird kids. Yeah, that's it. T for language.


Today was Saturday. Orochimaru loved Saturdays because he got to do all kinds of stuff. Like cackle maniacally for exactly 23 minutes everyday, play Monopoly with Sasuke and Kabuto, and eat home-made cookies.

This Saturday was different. This Saturday was baby-sitting. Did you ever have to sit on a baby? If it won't shut up, yes.

_Ding dong. Ding dong. DIIIIINGDINGDINGDONGDIIIIIING-_

"Helloooooo?" An older woman, who looked very tired and agitated, answered the door. She did a once over on Orchimaru. "Have you ever killed someone?"

"Yes. Can I come in now and watch your...kids?" He looked over her shoulder to see 3 children running around screaming and flailing, jumping on couches. _Oh jeez._

The woman sighed. "Sure. Their all yours. Now, I'll be back tomorrow morning and if you need me call this number." She handed him a piece of paper with the number _867-5309. _Chi-san raised an eyebrow. He looked up and the lady was gone. With a sigh, he went into the house and shut the door.

Immediately, the children stopped what they were doing and looked up at him. They attacked. Even though Oro was a Sannin, all that training and crap could not prepare him for this.

All 3 latched onto him, screaming randomly and hitting him. His face looked like this - D: and he was all like...just standing there.

_2 hours later..._

He moved his leg a little and they fell off, crying. "Finally..." He walked off and looked in the fridge. It was full of Jalapeños. That's it. That's all there was.

A few more minutes later, Oro came out with a bowl of Jalapeños and juice made from them. The kids stopped crying and rampaged over to him, eating every last bite of his food. They ran upstairs like a pack of wild animals.

Chi blinked twice. "This is like the Discovery Channel or something." He shrugged and slumped on the couch, grabbing the remote. As luck would have it, the Discovery Channel was on. Something about a man-eating lion commercial. Oro looked around the couch into the kitchen. There was a little boy crawling around the tiled floor. It growled at him so he turned away very quickly.

"_As the lion stalks his prey, he makes sure to be very quiet so as not to startle the antelope._"

The little kid was crouched underneath the dining table looking at a cookie. He licked his lips.

"_After a moment, he pounces. If he misses, the chase begins._"

The boy pounced on the cookie but it moved and levitated underneath a chair. For a while, he just kept chasing it. After 5 minutes and 29.25437896 seconds, he got it and gnawed on it. Very loudly.

Orochimaru twitched and turned on QVC. The nice ladies made him calm.

"_And this fire opal ring is now on sale for $150.90. Look how exquisite it is. 1.25 carats right here on this ring. We also have a pendant to match-_"

BANG.

Something big was upstairs. Very big. Slowly but surely, our lovable stud muffin made his way upstairs. He opened the door...and...

A giant frog was there. "Alright, who summoned this?" Everyone was silent. "Come on, tell me. I won't get mad. I swear." A girl shrieked and said "Jimmy did it! Jimmy did it!" Oro sighed again. "Where are you gonna keep that thing? It's not staying in your room."

Jimmy grinned.

"Finished!" Jimmy stood up and admired his handiwork. The summoned frog was sitting in a humongous cage with a stick and leaves in it. You know how those whippersnappers are with the leaves and shit.

"Jimmy," Said Oro, "I think that stick is too small..." The kids were gone. They just were gone. "What the hell?" He had a bad feeling about this. There was chanting coming from the living room.

"JERRY, JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!"

Jerry Springer was on, obviously. A black woman and this gansta lookin' dude was on.

"Now, wut am I gonne do with all 13 kids if you ain't da fatha? WTF is that? I bet your DNA got sick. That is why it is wronggg. You ARE da father, you will always BE da fatha-"

Chi turned off the T.V. "You kids shouldn't be watching this. This is bad." The kids all gave him the evil eye, at the same time.

What will happen next!? Will they yell? Will they throw crap? Tune in...one day.


End file.
